Of all the fictional monsters, vampires are undoubtedly the most fleshed out. Everyone knows they drink blood, avoid sunlight, sleep in coffins, can’t see their reflections, and hate garlic, among many other traits. Then there are all the memorable celebrity vampires, starting with the immortal Count Dracula.
In other words, if you’re looking for vampire-inspired wordplay, there’s plenty of material to tap into. For those who enjoy such biting humor, we’ve put together the following collection of vampire puns. Whether you’re in need of a Halloween caption or just a good joke about bloodsuckers, you can get your fill here.
Here are some vampire-related riddles.
What do you call it when a vampire loses track of his coffin?
A grave situation!
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
What flavor of ice cream do vampires like best?
Why aren’t vampires allowed to work for Uber or Lyft?
Because they drive everyone batty!
What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
Better luck necks time!
Why did the vampire hunter puncture her bottle of Aquafina?
Because she heard vampires were repelled by holey water!
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me!
Why was Van Helsing so dedicated to killing Count Dracula?
Because he staked his whole reputation on it!
What did Dracula’s victim say as he sank his teeth into her neck?
Well, this sucks!
How can you tell if someone has contracted vampirism?
They’re always coffin!
What do you say to someone who refuses to believe their friend is a vampire?
Wake up and smell the coffin!
Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
What do you call a lineup of food with lots of garlicky dishes?
Buffet the Vampire Slayer!
Why did the vampire refuse to eat his eggs?
Because they were sunny side up!
Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein!
What did Vampire Elvis say as he left the stage?
Fang you, fang you very much!
What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
Why do vampires love corny jokes?
Because they’re the pun-dead!
The following vampire puns are great for crafts, picture captions, and the like.
You’re just my type.
As you know, I can be a real pain in the neck.
Have a fang-tastic Halloween!
You can Count on me.
I know, I suck.
I’m busy looking for my necks victim.
Hope you have a bloody good time this Halloween!
I could go for a drink.
Now this is a role I can sink my teeth into!
I’ve always been a little batty.
Some might say I’m a bit long in the tooth to be dressing up like this.
Hope your Halloween doesn’t suck.
Sucks to be me.
Don’t worry, I don’t bite… more than once.
I could go for a Bloody Mary right about now.
Fangs for the memories.
These witch puns are so bad, you might even find them hex-cruciating.