Are You Ready For Some Football Puns? You’ll Fall Under the Spell of These Hideous Witch Puns

Every sport has its share of jargon, but when it comes to the sheer size of the lexicon, football clobbers the competition. You’ve got technical terms like T formation, wishbone, and intentional grounding. You’ve got acronyms like QB, TD, NFL, and NCAA. There are colorful expressions like Hail Mary and pigskin. And then there are sayings that have passed into general use, like dropping the ball and Monday morning quarterback.

All this adds up to some excellent pun-making opportunities. Here’s a big list of football puns you can use for Instagram captions, party invites, or just to amuse yourself during halftime. If you can tackle all of these gridiron groaners, you are truly an MVP (Most Voracious Punster).

A big list of football puns for social media captions, parties, jokes, etc.

Note: In case it’s not obvious by now, this article is about American football puns. If you’re more interested in what most of the world calls football (aka soccer), reading these puns probably isn’t your goal.

Gameday Captions and Messages

Here are some football-related puns you can send from the game, or while watching the game on TV.

I’m feeling tail-great.

Give me some pigskin!

I like big punts and I cannot lie.

I like big punts and I cannot lie.

Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible.

I’ve been getting blitzed all game.

I made a snap decision to watch football today.

No intentional frowning is allowed here.

I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.

Football is one habit I will never kick.

I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.

I’m establishing my punning game early today.

I'm establishing my punning game early today.

[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.

[Drink] That’s a thirst down!

[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.

[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.

[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.

[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.

[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.

Football Party Invites

Here are some goofy phrases you can use for a football party invitation (if it’s a Super Bowl party, see this article for additional wording ideas). Note that you can adapt many of these puns for a tailgate party or fantasy football draft.

Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.

Here’s the game plan: [party details]

With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.

We’re calling your number.

Hope you’re wide open on [date].

Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.

The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.

Join us for plenty of play action.

We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.

This event is sure to be out of bounds.

We’ll have a ball.

Prepare to be bowled over.

Riddles

Finally, to get the ball across the goal line, here are some football riddles and jokes that make use of puns.

What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!

What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!

What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement?
Gridirony!

Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism?
The guy retained possession!

Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!

What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!

Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!

Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!

Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!

Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!

Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!

What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!

Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!

Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!

Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!

Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!

Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!

What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!

These witch puns are so bad, you might even find them hex-cruciating.

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