Retirement is a time for relaxation and new beginnings, but it can also bring big changes to daily routines. Leaving a favorite workplace and stepping into a slower pace of life can feel overwhelming. It’s natural for retirees to feel a mix of nostalgia and uncertainty during this transition.
If you know someone who has just retired, a thoughtful message can brighten their day. Adding a touch of humor can make family, loved ones, or coworkers smile and ease their worries about this new chapter.
Funny retirement wishes are a great way to show you care while helping them look at retirement with joy and laughter. Below, you’ll find a collection of humorous wishes and messages to make their retirement feel special and fun-filled.
Funny Retirement Messages
Congratulations for your retirement. Now you will be forced to work on a never-ending project that will take up all your time and it’s called – Doing Nothing.
All your life you sacrificed your health so you could earn more money to retire happily. Now you’ll realize that you’ll be spending all the money to keep up your health. Congratulations.
Can you believe that finally from now on all days on your calendar are marked as Sundays? Enjoy them and may you always have a smile on your face. Happy retirement.
Time to trade work stress for puzzles, gardening, and non stop TV marathons. May your retirement be as lazy as you’ve always dreamed!
Retirement is like a second innings of life with fewer responsibilities and more fun. Good luck on your second innings.
Retirement is the only thing that will make you realize how you wasted all these years trying to be mature when you can get back to being a child at the end of it all. Have fun.
Now it’s time for you to get rich with your pensions and give us the privilege of having a rich friend!
It is interesting to note that when people are giving you retirement gifts there is always a watch or a clock as if to tell you that your time is up. Have a time-free retirement.
Retirement is your chance to work full-time at doing absolutely nothing and still complain about being busy! Wishing you all the best in this new adventure.
Hope you had fun working all these years. Now the real hard work begins, managing so much free time!
Congratulations on your retirement! Spend wisely from your pension and don’t feel shy to ask for a senior citizen discount while shopping. After all, you earned it!
Health, family, friends and relationships are some of the things that you sacrificed in your life so that you could work harder and earn more money. Now you will realize that you need these things to enjoy retirement. Such is the irony of life.
Every day of your retired life will feel like a happy Friday night. But it’s useless because being old will make you feel dull like Monday morning all the time. Happy retirement.
All these years you argued with your colleagues, juniors, managers and your boss at work. After retirement, you will argue with your grandkids, children and wife at home. Life remains the same.
As I see it you have been practicing how to retire and now the real thing is here. You are so good at it that there should be no problem taking up your new role. Have a happy retirement.
Happy retirement and my advice is that you do not try to say that you are coming back because you will be surprised at people’s reactions. No one will give back your office nor your parking space. No one misses you that much.
No matter how many college degrees, skill development courses and professional accreditations you have received, there is one more qualification you will still receive after your retirement – A master of Doing Nothing. Congratulations.
Have a happy retirement and try not to take life too seriously. After all, you took things easy for all the years that you worked. Why should you change now?
After retirement the body grows older, the heart grows fonder and the mind becomes younger. All the best at trying to handle an old body with a young mind and fond heart.
ultrawishes Tip
Think about the retiree’s personality. If they like jokes, keep it light and funny, but be kind and respectful if they’re serious. For public messages, avoid inside jokes and make sure everyone can understand.
Short Funny Retirement Wishes
Before you’d have to wait for holidays, now the rest of your life is one! Do enjoy it.
Retirement is like graduation- only this time, you will do a master on laziness!
Goodbye alarm clocks, hello afternoon naps! Retirement suits you already!
If you don’t work, you will never be late for work! Happy retirement.
No more meetings! Just naps and Netflix. Cheers to that!
Seeing your performance over the years you’ve worked, I’m sure that you’ll be very good at doing nothing!
For someone who looks forward to lying around all day, retirement must be thrilling! Have fun.
Thank you for reminding us that we are younger than you 😛 Happy retirement!
Now you’re rich and fat, what can be a perfect time for retiring? You’ve chosen the right path!
Your new boss knows your real skills and excuses. Spouses make the toughest bosses. Good luck!
Happy retirement! Put in a good word for us before you leave.
We can now officially call you by your real name. Hope it is not “Boss”!
Funny Retirement Messages for Colleagues
When people say that this place will not be the same without you, they actually mean that it will be less annoying.
You’re retiring now? I thought you did it the day you joined here. I mean, when did you ever work?
Congratulations on availing of the longest vacation of your life! Enjoy your infinite free time and do not tell us how much fun you are having.
Your wish has come true! You can now sit around your couch all day instead of sitting around in your office chair.
If this workplace were a hell, which it is, you’d be one of the greatest devils of it, and you’ll be missed.
People who call sloths the laziest animals surely have never met you. You were born to retire, buddy.
Don’t let everyone’s loving words fool you; I’m the only one in the office who is going to miss you.
Happy retirement, (Name)! But I don’t think you’re that old to retire. I hope you stay forever young at heart and find many thrills ahead!
Need heartfelt messages for a coworker? Find sweet and thoughtful ideas in our Retirement Wishes for Colleague article.
Funny Retirement Messages for Coworkers
I used to be excited about retirement until I saw you. God forbid that I become as grumpy as you!
This is the only time when everyone at the office will be looking up to you. Who doesn’t want to get out of this place!
Ah retirement, the days of daydreaming and sleeping till noon, all the things you’re good at!
We’re not going to miss you at all! Meetings are fun, office work is brilliant. P.s. Please get us out of here!
I’m jealous that every day of the week will be the weekend for you. Have a good life ahead!
Congratulations on leaving the job and not getting fired after missing so many deadlines!
Funny Retirement Messages for Boss
Who said bosses have to be scary? Seeing you, I’ve come to believe that bosses are not only scary but also frightful!
Your retirement hurts me; not because you’re leaving, but because of the worry that what if the next boss also happens to be like you?
I’ve always been more excited about your retirement than my own, and you can obviously guess why!
We will miss you, boss, other than your screaming, glowering, and pretty much showing up at the office.
You’re done bossing us, now you can do it around your grandkids and pets; because bossing is in your blood.
Finally, you have the chance to participate in our employee gossip. You’re one of us now!
We know you are going to miss bossing us around. Don’t forget to drop by and scold our new boss!
We will definitely miss your shouting and the classic boss jokes. But we are happy knowing that your family will be getting those now!
Undefeated Best Boss Award Champion now has to retire. Hope you come back again to retain your title.
Looking for heartfelt and emotional wishes for your boss? Don’t miss our special collection of Retirement Wishes for Boss.
Funny Retirement Messages for Husband
Dear husband, congratulations on your newfound freedom! keep calm and have fun.
Happy retirement, love. And if you ever miss your workplace, I can be your boss for free!
Now that you’re done with your other job, you can go back to your main job- annoying me 24/7.
Finally, you’ve retired, and you cannot give the excuse of work anymore. Marriage is going to be great again!
Thank God, now I have a new 24/7 assistant at my home! Happy retirement to my lifelong helper.
Happy retirement hubby. I’m happier about your retirement than you. At least you have no excuse to make time for me.
Congratulations! You’ve successfully completed your sentence… I mean, career! Enjoy your parole, I mean, retirement!
Funny Retirement Messages for a Friend
I know a lazy guy like you deserves an early retirement! Congrats on your well-deserved leisure.
Welcome to the old man club. It’s time to gossip about joint pain, high bp, sugar level, Et cetera Et cetera.
If life is a meal, retirement is its dessert. To enjoy it, stay fit, and don’t let your blood sugar go high!
Congratulations to a lazy bone like you for completing work-life! Finally, you can go back to being your true self.
I wanted to wish you a fun retirement. But with this old fat body, I don’t see any fun coming towards you.
Won’t your colleagues be jealous? Now that you will be spending so much time with your friends!
Finally, the day has come! Now you cannot give work excuses anymore to skip out on our plans.
How does it feel when every day is the weekend and every night is Friday night? Don’t you say it’s fun!
Funny Retirement Quotes
“When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.” – Gail Sheehy
“Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” – Jonathan Clements
“Retired people compliment my teeth, then tell me to take care of them. This always makes me think they are trying to steal them.” – Emily Claire Tamblyn
“What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.” – Unknown
“When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” – R C Sherriff
“Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money.” – Author Unknown
“People are always asking me when I’m going to retire. Why should I? I’ve got it two ways. I’m still making movies, and I’m a senior citizen so that I can see myself at half price.” – George Burns
“The concept of freedom is never truly realized until one settles into retirement mode.” – A. Major
“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” – Gene Perret
“Retirement: That’s when you return from work one day and say, ‘Hi, honey, I’m home — forever.’” – Gene Perret
“We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work – and then we retire. And what do they give us? A bloody clock.” – Dave Allen
“When you retire, you switch bosses — from the one who hired you to the one who married you.” – Gene Perret
“A gold watch is the most appropriate gift for retirement as its recipients have given up so many of their golden hours in a lifetime of service.” – Harry Mahtar
“First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.” – Branch Rickey
“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous, When I was sixty-five – I still had pimples.” – George Burns
“Retirement, we understand, is great if you are busy, rich and healthy. But then, under those conditions, work is great too.” – Bill Vaughan
“I’ve been attending lots of seminars since my retirement. They’re called naps.” – Harry Emerson Fosdick
“I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, My alarm clock, and my iron.” – Hartman Jule
“Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and how you want to do it.” – Catherine Pulsifer
Need even more retirement message ideas? Check out our ultimate guide of 150+ Best Retirement Wishes and Messages covering every type of retiree.
Retirement is a big step in everyone’s life. One’s life completely changes after this step. If you have a retiree in your family or workplace, this is a wonderful opportunity to send them your love and encouragement, along with a touch of humor.
Our funny retirement messages are sure to make them smile, maybe even laugh out loud. They can help lighten the mood and celebrate this exciting milestone in a joyful way.
Take a look and get ideas for what funny things to write in a retirement card. Whether it’s for a friend, family member, coworker, or even a boss, these messages are versatile and suitable for anyone, no matter their profession or role.
Add a personal touch and a little humor to your wishes, and you’ll give them something to remember forever. A funny note can make their retirement all the more special.